One big tangle of worry

So I realised its been about a week since I posted anything. The problem is, my life is so totally uneventful that theres nothing to post about generally! Or if something eventful does happen, its not something I'm wanting to remember, so dont really want to blog about it. Now I bet you're thinking 'what has she done recently that she doesn't want anyone to know about?' Honest answer is, not a lot. So I'm back to square one! However, I realised the other night that I'm far more nervous about leaving than I thought I was. And the problem with that is that I dont like worrying. Of any description. I dont like people worrying about me, I dont like worrying about other people so I generally dont - I figure they'll be ok and be looked after ad get sorted, or they'll just work through their mistakes and come out on top at the end. I've seen it a hundred times. So I dont like worrying, but I am worrying (although I'm not entirely sure what about), so I worry about the fact that I'm worrying and end up in one big mess. Just one big tangle of knots. Its something that I'm finding quite difficult to cope with. I told my mum, and she said that I have every right to be worrying because I'm only 18, am leaving home for the first time and that is to the other side of the world. But that didn't really make me feel better. So, on Sunday afternoon I had 2 options. To lay on my bed for an hour and probably get no where and end up in a bigger mess than I'm already in, or get the bus down the road to the beach for an hour. So I did that. It was great. I walked up the beach (its quite a long beach, which you can tell by its very imaginative name -Long Sands) and then I walked back down the beach, and then sat for 20 minutes watching kids playing and people surfing and laughing to myself when they fell off their boards, but gave them credit when they got back on again and tried again. So I spent about an hour thinking and praying and I think getting a little further than if I stayed at home. I think I'm just bored of waiting. I have so much to do and so little time and no motivation and no interest in any of it. I just want to get to Colombia. Thats what I've been waiting for since April, and now its 1 month tomorrow till I arrive there, which isn't long but is also a really long time, if you get what I mean! So, I guess I'll just have to keep praying and waiting and figuring out how to see everyone I love evenly so that I dont hurt anyone, because thats already happened and I didn't feel to great about it after.